Thursday, October 8, 2015

Handicapped, disabled, physically challenged - relax I’m confused too

It was always the plan for me to write about my life at some point. I thought it would be a book that I would release in my 50s. It was only in recent years that I considered a blog. I kept putting it off though. There was plenty of self doubt. If I am to be taken seriously I would need to be open and honest. I don’t really know any other way but would I really be comfortable doing this. I would also need to prepare for criticism, would I be able to handle this. And then there was the biggest fear of all, I would be boring people.

I don’t think I will ever get over all that but the feedback so far has been positive. Seems like people are paying attention because my recent blog The C Word mentioned the E words. I have received encouragement, that has empowered me, now I have to put in the effort. What came out of that blog was that people wanted to know what the appropriate language is when it comes to people with disability. A reasonable question with no reasonable answer.

All that everyone (including people with disability) needs to know is that it’s not black and white. Whenever I am thinking about disability I realise I am such an old man. This is because I can remember a time when I didn’t have to  ease people mind’s about my disability. I am talking about a time when Political Correctness and Occupational Health and Safety didn’t exist. There is no chance I am going to say the world was better before they took over, I am just well aware they have hindered my progression.  Political Correctness means people are even more afraid to talk to me. Occupational Health and Safety prevents almost every disability organisation from doing what is best for people with disability. Hearing words like compliance and legality do nothing for my self esteem, because I am constantly doing my absolute best not to be a liability

To demonstrate why appropriate language is subjective I only need to look at  my father. When talking about me he will calmly say to people it’s a challenge having a severely handicapped son. I enjoy watching the confusion this causes particularly as I don’t pull him up on it. Occasionally some well intentioned therapists and friends want to convince him otherwise and it’s like red to a bull. Politely but firmly he will respond with he’s severely handicapped. Is it outdated language? Absolutely. Does it offend me? Not at all. It is his way of being a protective father. It’s a reminder that I genuinely have high needs and that he knows it better than anyone because he has lived it with me.

Never being subtle he will also proudly tell people how great it is that I am disabled. He will go on to say how it’s given mw all this time to think. And that means I can be relied upon to give good advice.

My mother sees me in a similar light but will forever call me boy. She often says she is child like, something we have in common. One of my most prized possessions is a Super Powers Batman action figure. My mother scoured the city to get me one (and would still take on a mission like this right now) and we both speak about the experience fondly. This is why my hunt for a Super Powers Batmobile goes on.

At All Star Comics Melbourne I feel like I am at home. Always opinionated especially when it comes to Amazing Spiderman comics. Earlier this year they opened their new store and the only fitting description of the evening is sensory overload. I was only there for an hour, but I made sure I enjoyed every minute. As over the top as it sounds I thought life just doesn’t get any better than this. Thinking I was possibly going mad I was relieved when Larry (not content with appearing in Incredible Hulk comics he is now invading my blog) charged over. All he said was “I have to go but seeing this got me hard”. Briefly I was taken aback before reality set in. I had to admit that I was pretty turned on myself. Being more sensitive I later described the event as one of the most romantic moments of my life.

When it comes to my relationship with All Star co owner Mitch I definitely have enough material for a single blog. We both give ourselves a hard time, and often have the same reaction to situations. A moment that springs to mind actually occurred pre All Star.  Years ago Mitch mournfully told me my favourite comic creator Ed Brubaker wasn’t writing Daredevil anymore. I was definitely distraught because I said but that’s been better than his run on Captain America, which I consider blasphemy. This led to us sitting together in complete silence struggling to comprehend this injustice. There have been so many times like this that a standard quote between us is “it’s alright Mitch we will get through this together”.

And then there is the man I now refer to as Anthony 1 (Anthony 2 and I have a G.I. Joe play date coming up but that’s another story). As soon as we are left alone the filter is completely removed. I enjoy our oonversations way too much because I am completely at peace. Anthony is also always looking out for me. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t own the Art of He-man and the Masters Of The Universe, which would make me a lesser man. My only concern is that Anthony will grow tired of Mitch’s oppressive management and move on.

In the local metal scene I am known for being obsessive about Iron Maiden and Ripper Owens. Through my many discussions with Gary, I have come to the conclusion that what we don’t talk about isn’t worth talking about. When it comes to Shane, there is no doubt that he is family. We generally see the world in the same way and purely out of circumstance we don’t spend enough time together. I also like to think that he meet his match when it comes to enthusiasm about metal, particularly concerts and gigs.

Lately I have been making in roads in the local wrestling scene through MCW. Last event I had the pleasure of talking to Mr Juicy. He is the self proclaimed face of MCW and is genuinely interested in people. As we talked he said he lacked flexibility. I told him I had the same problem. He looked at me strangely as if he had said the wrong thing. Without hesitation I said “don’t give me that look, you’re always poking fun at yourself”. He simply smiled and later on, he informed me that an important part of his body was small. Needless to say I am looking  forward to our next conversation.

And when it comes to disability I sound like a politician.  Wherever I am when the topic comes up words flow. Sometimes with clarity because I feel I have the experience,  that others don’t. I also try to bring as much humour as I can into disability to keep people guessing. A perfect example of this was when I was with Liz Wright who can take responsibility for this blog. We left a meeting together and she immediately launched into how feel good labels about disability were horrible. I couldn’t resist and said “like what handicapable,” This actually left her speechless and I thought she might throw up she was so disgusted. I couldn’t have been happier with my work.

What gets lost when debating appropriate language is that it’s not fun seeing people overthink what they will say to me next. As you can see I am exposed to all sorts of language from a variety of sources. If I was to get serious and think about what was appropriate I could miss out on some wonderful experiences.

One of the best movies I have seen is Patch Adams. A scene that stands out particularly for this blog is when a doctor is demonstrating a consultation with a patient. After going through it all the doctor asks if there are any questions. Patch responds with what’s the patient’s name?  Sound advice because when meeting new people I start with “I’m Lachlan, it’s nice to meet you”. We can work out the rest in time.