There are so many misconceptions about life with disability. It would take a long time to list them all. For me one of the biggest is that all the complexities in life are associated with the disability. If only it was that simple. It is my mission to dispel this myth. The disability side is generally boring and is made complicated by bureaucracy. I have asked people in the disability sector when are you going to make this easier? Adding in because when you do we can get back to living our lives.
People with disability aren’t always the best with this either. There preoccupation with their specific needs often making them seem like a victim. Hence why I attempt to draw attention to other parts of my life. The experiences whether good or bad that are about me as a person I feel are more interesting. They are more useful to people with disability and society as a whole because they show that we are all prone to a range of emotions.
While I felt I was acutely aware of this in my previous job as a MetroAccess Officer I learnt this the hard way. The role was to assist the community to be more inclusive of people with disability, something I regard highly. I feel it is the pinnacle of what you can do in disability in this country apart from personal care.
Having left last year I can now say I was in over my head, while I was there. I had no experience in the demands of the role and I needed to be assertive. Not only that I had to be with women.
The male/female dynamic is so pivotal to men with disability that it deserves a blog on its own. Whether it be my mother, aunt, sister, doctors, nurses, therapists, women that got my attention for reasons I can’t explain (not that people with disability ever think that way) they all have one thing in common. They’re bossy. I say this because I listen to them more than anyone and they get luxuries from me without even asking.
Upon starting the role I knew this would be a challenge. I was working in the Community Development and Social Policy Unit, which was predominantly women. It didn’t take long before I was taken with everyone, I definitely felt I had acquired another family. 2 in particular Katniss the Unit Manager and Barbara my supervisor have had a lasting impression. As much as I would like to say work is my number one priority, managing my disability comes first. Given this I needed to be careful about the time I was in the office and what I would commit to. But I had some strict rules. Both Katniss and Barbara could call me at home any time they wanted. And most importantly if they asked me to come in for a meeting or event I would be there. Rules, which still apply.
My respect for Katniss began before I started the job. She was on the panel that interviewed me and because of that always seemed to understand my life. In my first year at Council I worked 22 hours a week, which was too much. Going into the second year Katniss advocated for me to change to 16 hours per week. I always appreciated this because while I wanted it to be about the work I did need people to be aware that just getting to the office wasn’t always easy.
Katniss and I are also very similar in the way we approach life. We are able to change people’s perception through our personality something we take seriously. I have started saying that I’m more willing to embrace my difference and that is certainly due to the time I spent with Katniss.
And then there’s Barbara. We have what I consider the best kind of relationship because we are the only ones that understand it. She is one of the few people I know that has little time for my humour. It’s not that we don’t have fun together, it’s just that to work together required us to be anything but superficial. There is a term in disability called person centred planning, something that Barbara and I perfected. There will be more about this in time but I have no doubt. Barbara became my supervisor, when our team was restructured. Not everyone was happy about it but I had no complaints because my work improved immediately.
It was out of our catch ups that a project began to formulate. Barbara had gone to great lengths to build my confidence. Continually making me aware I did have the skills for the job. She was especially taken with ideas I had about employment. She was so impressed she told me I needed to turn them into a disability employment strategy. I tried valiantly to say my role was to implement projects not write strategies, but I knew what would happen. Yes I wrote a disability employment strategy. It was actually ready to go through the process of being endorsed by Council. I was pleased and was looking forward to implementing it, but then I was put on a different path.
Katniss found out what I had done and said it needed to be an inclusive employment strategy. Something that encompassed people from culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) backgrounds, people with disability, Aboriginal and young people. This made sense to me except there was a twist. I was going to lead the project. I didn’t see how that was possible. I wasn’t qualified. I didn’t even know why I was considered. Although I did think that I might have been further ahead with my ideas about employment than others. Still I was reluctant, but I was preparing myself to do it. After all it was a struggle to say no to Barbara, I couldn’t say no to Barbara and Katniss. So sure enough I begun to write it.
I thought the process for the strategy would be like writing music. Everyone would contribute and I would put it all together. As I saw it I could obviously do disability, the other areas would need to be written by others. This isn’t how it eventuated. Aside from Barbara I didn’t get much advice and I couldn’t generate interest in writing it the way I intended to.
I seemed to be going in circles. I had written a draft that I couldn’t move forward. I was uncertain of what I was supposed to be doing. Adding to the confusion was that I needed to define inclusion. Eventually I came up with something but what I believe is that inclusion is just like love, impossible to define but you know it when you feel it (I am claiming this as an original quote).
This went on for months to the point I ended up taking some leave to clear my head. On my first day back in the office I met with Katniss and Barbara to go over the draft. Thinking it would be fairly routine, I wasn’t prepared for what transpired. I definitely thought that I should have stayed on leave.
Katniss nicely yet forcefully informed me that the strategy needed to be further along. She went on concluding with if the situation didn’t improve the strategy would be taken from me and given to someone else. I never like to go with my first instinct and this highlighted why. After hearing this I was thinking you have thrown me to the wolves, I'm not getting the help I thought I would and I'm sick of it. Go and give it to someone else, I didn’t want it to start with.
Of course this wasn’t how I really felt but it was interesting that I was having the irrational thoughts that come from being a man. I remained calm and began to focus intently. The possibility of having the strategy taken from me really got my attention. If that happened it would reinforce all the stereotypes I hate. Something like the person with disability was given the opportunity, he couldn't do it so an able bodied person finished the job. Not only would this go against everything I believed, it would also go against the whole point of inclusive employment.
In amongst all this Katniss said something incredibly valuable. She said the strategy was my responsibility, something I wasn't clear about. My own naivety and insecurity had prevented me from understanding this. If you’re writing a strategy for Council most likely you are working with a team. However one person writes it all. The team makes suggestions along the way as it goes through the multitude of stages before being approved by Council. Realising this was a huge step. It was now obvious that I was being too tentative. While I was still having some man moments thinking I wish someone told me this sooner, I was now more motivated to do the strategy than ever before.
Barbara and I had our traditional catch up afterwards. She was concerned about me, which was a relief. I told her I was fine, although I was disappointed I had let things get that far. I knew that I had to be more willing to ask questions and not be afraid to seek help. Barbara then gave me some advice that worked out beautifully. She suggested I choose someone to work with to review the strategy.
Immediately I chose Anna. She was a new addition to the team, we were similar in age, she was the ideal choice. I let her know I was struggling and that I wanted her help because she would be able to give a fresh perspective. We looked over a draft and she said it wasn’t that bad. She thought it was close to being finished but suggested adding in more relevant policies (to give more context as to why the strategy was needed). I whispered to her I had previously done this but Barbara had told me to take it out. Without hesitation Anna patted me on the arm and said “You poor thing, no wonder you’re struggling.” From then on I felt I had the ability to do the strategy. Sadly Anna didn’t stay long but I was so grateful to her, I changed the days I work just to attend her farewell.
From there progress went along nicely. Management approved that the strategy be implemented and Human Resources were on board. I had also begun convening inclusive employment working group meetings. Something I felt was always completely out of my character.
Then at one of these meetings it happened. We were all looking over final drafts and talking about how will this actually work. The discussion turned to that there was no budget or resources for this and in what seemed a blink of an eye we decided not to do the strategy.
My personal life wasn’t going well at the time so this was something I didn't need. Knowing that was going on had made me more determined to get the strategy done. I always try to be understanding and I could see that this was a logical decision. This time though I gave in. The I’ll be all right, it’s for the best mentality was the complete opposite of how I felt. It was I have wasted 18 months of my life, nobody cares, even don’t they know I am disabled? I always knew people with disability don’t get what they want and this proves it. The fact that it came down to a lack of funding and resources didn’t sit well either. Having had to deal with that sentiment so often in my personal life, it was disheartening to have it reflected in my work life.
To add to the stress Barbara was on secondment for 6 months. I once described her at a team meeting as a calming influence so to not have her around with this going on was frustrating. Luckily I managed to see her racing through the foyer. She tried to rush off but I didn’t let her. I assertively said just wait and asked her if she had heard that we weren’t doing the strategy. And then it was like time actually stopped. No words were spoken but I was relieved there were no sharp objects around. Barbara remained silent whilst looking as angry as I had ever seen her. Eventually she asked if I was alright? I had not expected her to react that way so I was a lot more at peace with what was going on. I was so taken by this moment I made it a part of my relationship test. Pretty much if a woman didn’t care that much about me, they weren’t worth my time.
Why did I feel this way? Well over time Barbara had nicknamed our catch ups the Cone of Silence (my favourite part of Get Smart) because of how personal the discussions were. Most of what we talked about goes to the grave but I worked out that we needed to be less secretive to help people. Something Barbara had often said that when the strategy was done I would not have to worry about a job ever again. This would be welcome news to any man. For me it was unbelievable. The countless concerns I had about employment and having a disability would all disappear. So to have it taken away was devastating at the time. Hence Barbara’s reaction was more than enough to stop me thinking of resigning or whatever other stupid thoughts I was having. The pity party was starting to come to an end. I can never appropriately put in to words what our relationship is but I’ll say that after going through all this, Barbara is stuck with me. She knows this, she just forgets sometimes.
Feeling less anxious Katniss then gave me all the encouragement I needed. We always seemed to sit together at the right times that it couldn't be a coincidence. Generally with hilarious results, anybody would think we were still in high school the way we interacted with each other. On this occasion though at our annual planning day it was serious. Katniss began explaining how we didn't do the strategy even though poor Lachlan had done all this work. I felt like I had received an award for my efforts. On many levels I had gone out of my comfort zone and to know this hadn’t gone unnoticed was very satisfying.
Settling down I pressed on with inclusive employment. While the strategy wasn’t happening many of the initiatives were incorporated into other policies. Something I was pleased to be a part of. Feeling reasonably content another opportunity arose. A Human Rights and Inclusion Policy was going to be written. Seeing as how I had done fairly well when I was unprepared I was ready to rock with this. Having missed out with the strategy I would be guaranteed to write this new policy. Katniss and Barbara would work their magic and away we will go.
I show some arrogance and I get humbled because this isn’t how it turned out. Now that we don’t work together I can say that the responsibility of writing the policy went to my friend (not colleague) Peter. There was no resentment towards him being chosen. To think I would be automatically selected showed I had a much healthier attitude about myself. The experience of writing the strategy was already starting to have a positive impact.
While I wasn’t going to write it, I was still a man possessed. I was focused about how we would approach it. I bombarded Barbara with ideas of what we should do and made statements that I was unmoved on. Primarily that we wouldn’t get too ahead of ourselves and that Peter was to be looked after. I ended up enjoying being in the driver’s seat (any excuse to use a sporting cliché and I will) but it wasn’t pleasant. Even though I now wasn’t I hadn’t lost sight of this and was adamant that he be supported as much as possible. I would regularly ask Peter if he was alright with how the policy was going. This usually led me to aggressively ask him again because I felt he was unconvincing. Doing this let him know I was with him, wherever it took us, much like what Barbara and Anna did for me. Something I know he appreciated because we now have quite the bond. As I like to remind people we may not have signed a blood oath but we did commit to improving inclusive employment.
Once again I missed out resigning before the policy was finished. It wasn’t an easy decision but I needed to look after myself. My last couple of months though again demonstrated the effects that writing the strategy had on me. Barbara had given me the responsibility of organising International Day of People with Disability. This was something I always wanted to do and being my last major project I couldn’t contain my enthusiasm. To show I had developed when planning the event I indicated to Barbara and Katniss that I didn’t need their help. The stubbornly independent part of me had really kicked in. To be thinking that I knew what I was doing and that I wanted to be left alone was not like me. This may have been character building but it isn’t the best way to plan Council events.
I talked about the strategy a lot after it didn't happen but it wasn’t out of bitterness. It was because I gained so much knowledge from writing it. For anyone there are lessons in management and leadership. Strategies and policies I now know are written all the time. They can take years to develop and may end up not being initiated. I know that was something I took away from the experience. For me to write the strategy properly I had to get emotionally involved. During that period of my life I thought of little else. Working 16 hours a week I didn’t have time for much else either. This is why I became so passionate about supporting the person that writes the strategy. I understand that other people may be able to detach themselves better than I could, I also know that assuming people will ask for guidance is a mistake. That isn’t something that comes easily to everybody.
If it is applied to people with disability I think it’s a wonderful case study. Going through this process showed how my pre Council life had not been as kind to me as I thought. I had been let down by people that I shouldn’t have. I knew this but I didn’t realise the extent. In earlier blogs I have talked about the E words when it comes to people with disability. Encouragement, empowerment and effort, something the disability sector doesn’t understand. Because what this experience really taught me was how much I lacked confidence. And while I am not moving as fast as Barbara would like I know I have improved.
This is because I now allow myself to make it all about me. It may be taking forever to get my new wheelchair but that’s alright. I need to take time in order to get the best solution for myself. I am now fighting harder for what I want and show emotion when it doesn’t work out (something I felt I couldn’t do before). I am definitely more assertive, even with women.
As for Katniss and Barbara I miss them both. They are still at Council and while I have left we have plenty more to do. I would like them to come join me on my journey to improve the way people with disability plan their lives but they have their own battles. We reconnected to get this blog done and as usual we ended up with a better outcome. The eternal optimist in me hopes that we will work on some more ideas from my time at Council. Since I have gone I am continually reminded of how significant my experiences there were. Many experts in the disability world would consider what I did during my 6 years an impossibility. This definitely influenced my decision to resign and certainly is the reason I became so driven by inclusive employment. It was time to show that it is possible.
And all this is my way of saying people with disability need to take more chances. I actually feel sick using the word chances because what I’m really thinking is living life. Being afraid of heartbreak, being employed, not fitting in to society, whatever other negative thoughts you can come up with limits your opportunities. Contemplate that for a while and see whether you want to keep living that way. We already have enough people telling us what we can’t do, we don’t need to be doing it to ourselves.
